Another FB fast

Today I finally got the courage to deactivate my Facebook account. I want to be off indefinitely so I didn't even fix a time limit in my brain. I remember two years back in '11, I went off for two weeks 'cause I realized I'd become obsessed. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check out friends' posts, comment on pictures and inbox my in-a-different-time-zone friend. (I tend to be obsessive that way sometimes)

This time round, I've been getting my full hours of sleep in the night, thank God. But in the day time, with Facebook only a few MBs away on my cell phone, oh man, every hour [maybe even minutes] I've been on that thing like it's food for my soul. And I haven't been following others and stuff I like so much; no. I've been busy keeping my posts up-to-date for my followers. Every thought, joke, question, comment, opinion; if I had it, FB friends had to know about it! You can imagine how frustrated I'd get when I didn't find immediate responses to my mostly well-written and sometimes witty, sometimes inspiring updates!

I was at a sister's wedding about 6 weeks ago and all I kept doing was going to FB to write about it and see what other people were up to. What a puzzling sight I [and my kid brother] must have been to the rest of my relatives; seated there at the table, tinkering away on our cell phones unable to participate in any real conversations for a circumstancial amount of time. Seriously, everybody around me had become an unwelcome distraction to my FB reverie; including the kids!!! It's like am here, but am not. Talk but maybe am not listening 'cause am too busy updating my facebook status. Like I said, I go from normal to obsessive really fast.

Honestly, I knew something was wrong. Something was out of balance. But I enjoy the easy attention FB has to offer. I'm finally a star with my own page, followers and everything! My need for constant companionship is easily and freely met [I carry it around in my pocket/purse]... It's a relationship where I have A LOT to gain and very little, if any, to lose. At least, it beats the hard work of actually sitting down to talk with people; trying to draw them out, being vulnerable face-to-face, spending airtime calling and texting people who are probably too busy and would rather FB you as well. And all the while, this virtual relationship is sucking the life out of my live day-to-day relationships 'cause am too lazy to really pursue people??! Na-ah! I refuse!

So today, on impulse; I deactivated my account. Like I said, am not sure when or if I'll be coming back... But I'm hoping to use this less online time talking to the kids, and other people around. I am going to relearn (ok, maybe just learn) the art of asking questions and watching people-not just the blue phone screen. I will visit, instead of staying couped up in my room with my "compadre virtuoso" (my mexican latin for virtual friend). Now I know there's nothing wrong with FB per say. But I need to get back to the main thing. God and people.

Am throwing out FB, and letting Jesus be my one and only constant companion. Honestly, can anything or anyone ever amount to what I've got with Him?! Our hearts so easily clutch at and cling to what we can see; even when it's not really real. Well, from now on all initial sharing will be with Him. And then I will step out and give myself [time, attention] to the people around me. Yes, I will make those calls and send those texts. Hey, maybe I'll even write some letters! Why? Because people are worth all that, and more. So help me God!

Am I bound by my temperament?

Recently I was doing some personality tests...again. I had done these years earlier and figured out I am san-phleg...i.e my temperaments are predominantly sanguine and phlegmatic. The first time round it was just great to understand my make-up better; a few why questions were answered, to say the least. This time round, I found it to be a bit depressing. Where I had once seen positivity as a great strength, now it seems the erratic, superficial, unreliability of the sanguine personality was all I saw. I am a Children's discipler; my work involves a lot of forming real and deep relationships for the benefit of growth in godliness of the children I minister to. I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE SUPERFICIAL AND UNRELIABLE!!!!!!! Added to that the phlegmatic tendency to be laid-back and lazy... I mean I'm no Apostle Paul but surely...

 

I was worried, for a few hours (which I find is usually how long we sanguines can keep in the downs about stuff). Yet again, Lord; WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!! I am clearly not qualified. I don't care enough. I'm easily distracted. I forget easily.I'm not really that into details. I don't look beyond the surface...bla bla bla. Wait! Who am I kidding? If the day comes when I am superbly qualified to do what God has called me to before hand then, I don't know...but it hasn't come yet. So how come am here? Well, God called ME, with all my innate weaknesses,

 

God made ME just the way He wanted to. He designed my likes, dreams, abilities, family, life story. He's been in it all along, and even as I do my own self discovery; I only learn what He already knew was there. He knows my capacity, my capability. So instead of balking at the long list of weaknesses prevalent in my personality type; I could focus on growing my strengths, and allowing the Holy Spirit's discipline in my life to form me into someone more like Christ, I am not bound by what research and studies say about my kind of personality. I can use this knowledge to understand myself and others better, but this is not who I will always be. I am changing, morphing, growing into a personality far greater than any other on this earth. I am becoming the daughter that I was meant to be, BY GOD'S GRACE. :-D